The Travel Routine & Routine Lessons

The Travel Routine

What’s new with me? Well, nothing is new in the sense that everything is still new. Somehow, even as everything changes, the routine to which it changes starts to feel the same.

Like at work:

I will learn so much and it will be both uncomfortable and rewarding
I expect to be stressed at work for the first three weeks. Then, after that, something magical happens and the charting gets more comfortable, the processes are more second nature, and I don’t question how (or if) I’m possibly going to get through my workday.
When I show up on a new unit for the first time (I work on a different unit every day as a float nurse) I expect to assert myself in a room of people who don’t know me, and I expect it to be awkward, and I know by the end of the day it will feel normal.

Like in life:

I expect to feel nervous the first few times I go to a new grocery store or a new gym, but soon enough I won’t think twice about it. But, even then, I’ll still need my GPS.
I’ll have to GPS everything, always, and I’ll miss just knowing where the closest gas station is.
I know the newness of a new place starts wearing off around week four and I start feeling more lonely, but as I get to know people and find enjoyment in new routines, I know the sense of loneliness improves.

It doesn’t seem to matter that I am aware of my patterns. I have not yet figured out a way to ~know~ my way out of stress, nervousness, or even homesickness. The stress of transition is part of the routine, and knowing that the hard parts are also temporary is also a part of the routine. I wonder if other travelers experience this?

BUT IT’S NOT all clouds here in the PNW! Certainly, I have a sense that I’m where I’m supposed to be doing what I’m supposed to do. And I’ll never get sick of Mt. Rainier as a backdrop. But traveling isn’t the only thing that has a certain routine to it….

Routinely Learning the Same Lessons

When I was applying to college, I wrote an essay about the tension of deciding what in life was worth holding onto and what in life was worth letting go of. The essay was titled And Whither Then, I Cannot Say, a way of saying I just don’t know what’s gonna happen. I realized there was a community that I would dearly miss if I left Canton, OH and I realized that I could learn and grow in meaningful ways if I left. Do I hold onto the community that saw me through childhood and adolescence, or do I let it go and allow those relationships to change? And truthfully, a bit of that tension still exists. I still dearly value that community and I am still only ever back to visit.

As I was reflecting on how much the trees in Vancouver reminded me of Rivendell from Lord of the Rings, I remembered the poem that sparked that essay, written by J.R.R. Tolkien.

The road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began
Now far ahead the road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can, 
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way 
Where many paths and errands meet. 
And whither then? I cannot say.

I wonder if it would be a comfort to me then, knowing nine years later I would still be asking the same questions, feeling the same feelings. I’m pretty sure seventeen-year-old Holly thought she was doing the angsty work so that twenty-six-year-old Holly wouldn’t have to. Clearly, that is not the case. Maybe, instead, I was just learning what it feels like to make adult decisions. What in life is worth holding onto? What can be let go of? What’s next, if anything? At times it feels like looking at a blank canvas when I’m not really sure I know how to paint.

Truthfully, this poem is even more relatable to me now as a traveler. On January 13th, eleven months ago, I walked out of my Pittsburgh door in a very different headspace than I am in today. Since then, I have lived on both extremes of I-90. I have had meaningful interactions with people from different regions, countries, religions, and ideologies. I’ve lived with ten different people and in five different houses/apartments. I’ve negotiated four travel contracts. And somewhere on that road, I have become myself more than ever before. I have learned more about who I am, what I want, what is important to me, and how to kindly but firmly negotiate for my needs. I have a few answers and many new questions. I can’t pretend that I don’t often feel like a weary traveler. But I’m here, now. Today, the hope I find in this poem is the reminder to pursue the road with eager feet. And what’s next? I cannot say.

Some Seattle highlights:

The beauty of the PNW is worth bragging about, and the people who live here definitely brag about it
Saying PNW like a native (as if I even knew PNW meant Pacific Northwest three months ago)
Reconnecting with college friends: Living with Becca & Jake (& Huck), reconnecting with Marla and Ben
The Seattle Sounders won the MLS cup (!!!) and I saw them play twice at home!
Went to my first NWSL game and saw Megan Rapinoe and Carli Lloyd in the flesh!!
A snowy hike in the Cascade Mountains with Marla & company
First trip to Canada with Lauren, a travel friend ❤
Learning a new hospital and a new way of serving patients/ a community
Fall colors for dayzzzz (months!)